Confuseus On Blog Layouts

Seems as if there's nothing I can do to satisfy the wilted old sage of Confuseus.com.

Confuseus sez, "Poet not satisfied with page layout so him screw it up worse."

Confuseus On Lawn Care

Yeah, I know the old bum sage lives in a penthouse and doesn't have any grass to smoke mow but he once lived among the working class just like you and I. And with lawn mowing season at its peak he has some advice many will find of interest.

Confuseus sez, "Running over lawn mower with truck not fix lawn mower. Or truck."

I wonder how he found that out?

Anyway, keep pulling that rope and tune into Confuseus.com to learn what happens when you hold the spark plug wire while pulling the rope. Believe me when I say you'll get a charge out of it.

Confuseus On Railroads

Yes, our smokestack sage has rode a few trains in his time. From lumbering freight trains to sleek passenger trains to gravy trains Confuseus has rode them all and brings his knowledge of the railroad industry to Confuseus.com with the following advice.

Confuseus sez, "When life become runaway train forget blowing off steam and just let train go... Or was that let go of train? Confuseus not sure, go talk engineer, get back to you."

Confuseus Walks On Water

Today the smoked-up old sage of Confuseus.com does what few have ever done and unlike the others isn’t afraid to teach us his “mystical powers.”

Confuseus sez, "Old man walk on water remember where stumps are."

Today’s confusing update has been brought to you by Billy’s Toy Store-- all the toys for the good girls and boys.

Confuseus On Flip-Flopping Politicians

Yes, the smoked-up old sage even has opinions about our current crop of Presidential wannabes.

Confuseus sez, "Man who change mind not waffle, man who change mind getting smarter. You should get smarter too. That why Confuseus support Yellow Dog for President."

Confuseus On Working Overtime

This is beginning to piss me off. Somebody shoot me so I can get out of this lifetime contract-- my lifetime, not his.

Confuseus sez, "Man who work overtime work long hours."

See what I mean. Oh well, off to the day job.

Confuseus On Building A Better Outhouse

I know it's hard to believe that an old man who looks down on all from his penthouse would know anything about building an outhouse but as is often the case he remembers the holes he dug.

Confuseus sez, "Brick shit house sound like good idea until day come when need to move to new hole."

Get the latest confusing updates at Confuseus.com.

Confuseus On Topless Beaches

It would appear as if the goofy guru of Confuseus.com has been spending some time at the beach.

Confuseus sez, "Groopies go topless on beach in summer but go topless in penthouse year 'round. And not get sand in panties in penthouse."

Confuseus has been made possible by the 200 mile per gallon alternative to high gasoline prices.

Confuseus On Getting High

Today the old sage of Confuseus.com tells us his favorite way to get high.

 Confuseus sez, "Confuseus go to top of mountian, get high. Walk do old man good."

Publisher's note: Are we really paying this guy to write this crap? Somebody tell me who signed this old goat in the first place.

When Sages Need Advice

Confuseus lets us in on a little secret.

Confuseus sez, "When Confuseus confused he call Advice Girl. Confuseus like smart women. She make Confuseus happy again."